Helping to Heal Hearts

I’m still in the midst of processing all of my thoughts and emotions after the most challenging, powerful, insightful, draining, fulfilling weekend I’ve ever had. It was also the hardest 48 hours of my life.

If you’ve never heard of Comfort Zone Camp please take a moment and read about the organization. It’s a free-of-charge camp for kids between the ages of 7 and 17 to come cope with their grief. Right now they have camps in Massachusetts, California, New Jersey, and Virginia. For the first time, and with the help of the Sheilah A. Doyle Foundation, they were able to bring the camp to Illinois. They are a non-profit organization founded by three siblings who as children lost their mother to murder. They partnered and in one short year raised over $90K to provide Illinois children, whose parent or legal guardian were a victim to murder, the opportunity to attend a local Comfort Zone Camp.

Kevin and I attended a training session a few months ago. From there we filled out an application so that the staff could get a good sense of who we are. We told them as much as we could about ourselves; our taste in music, our hobbies, our back story, etc. They had over 125 applications and had to go through each one in an effort to match each of the 21 kids who would be attending the camp with a “big buddy”. In addition to the 21 big buddies, they also found volunteers to fill other positions – nurses, photographers, healing circle assistants, and floaters (who did a little bit of everything). All together they gave 45 people a volunteer opportunity. Kevin and I were both matched with a “little buddy”. We found out the weekend before last so we had one week to try our best to mentally prepare for what was to come.

We both knew very little about the campers we would be spending the weekend with. We were both nervous about having never dealt with a loss like these kids and not knowing what to say or how to help. There were professionals there to provide therapy and our job was to be “a big ear with a set of arms for hugging”. I knew it would be more than that and I was right.

We got to camp and the directors broke us up into what would be our “healing circles” so that we could have a quick briefing before the campers arrived. Before I knew it they were calling my name to let me know that my little buddy had arrived. She is a 12 year old girl who lost her mother. We bonded instantly over our shared love for Justin Bieber. Kevin’s little buddy was a 17 year old who lost both his brother and his cousin. By the end of the night the two of them had also formed a strong bond. The camp was very rustic and on small grounds and we spent all but 1 hour on Saturday by our little buddies’ sides. It was impossible not to bond.

I can’t go into details. What I can share is that I have a new found respect for our youth. I can share that I’ve never seen a stronger, more resilient group of children in my life. I can share that I have never cried more tears or felt the kind of pain in my heart that I did while I was there and listening to these kids and their stories. I can share that I watched 21 kids come in as reserved, sad, apprehensive, unsure souls and watched them changed and transformed when they left. And I can share that I have never felt more fortunate or more grateful for my own family and for the consistencies in my life.

I’m honestly not sure that I could put most of my experience into words even if I could share. It felt like we were in a little bubble. We walked into the bubble strangers at 3pm on Friday and by 3pm on Sunday, when it was over, we were a family. I can say with certainty that I’ll be in touch with some of these people for the rest of my life. While there, I wasn’t really able to fully allow myself to feel. And Kevin and I, outside of a few stolen glances at mealtime or meetings, didn’t see each other and weren’t able to talk. So when we got home last night we were up until after midnight sharing stories and trying to process all of the different emotions. When we walked in the door yesterday afternoon, if you had asked me if I would be volunteering again I would have said no. Honestly, I was so overcome by emotion and so exhausted I could barely formulate a thought. By the end of the night, after having the chance to work through it all, I couldn’t imagine never doing it again. In fact, I’ll be signing up again as soon as the opportunity presents itself. They are already planning a camp weekend for next year.

I really wish I could say more. I wish I could share all of the powerful moments we experienced. One thing I can share is a picture. The mother of one of the boys in Kevin’s healing circle snapped a picture after our closing memorial service and just before they left. She shared the picture with me and now I’ll share it with you (out of respect for the boys, I blocked their faces):

Notice anything about this picture? It gave me chills on every ounce of my body. I’ve seen orbs in photos before. Normally they come across as small circular blurs somewhere in the photos. Never, ever have I seen one this big. And notice how it seems to be floating right behind Kevin and his little buddy? Serious chills. Wow.  Just wow.